It was in the middle of a meeting when all the careless whispers that I had not been hearing came whirling, like a maelstrom of loud noises and accusations. Before my mind could process one allegation, there was a barrage of partially or completely false ones, almost as if in a queue, ready to be hurled at my face. It took me a moment to understand that the meeting and the blame game was an act of pre-plotted perfidy by a few in the team, for reasons I could not fathom. It would not be an exaggeration for me to say, that this episode took me to the court of Hastinapur, in place of Draupadi while she was being disrobed, only that there was no Krishna as saviour, to stave off the humiliation. I was frustrated, irritated and angry,all at once, with tears at the verge of spilling. I remember telling myself after the incident, that this was actually not that big a deal; that this place and these people do not really matter as much, then why such tribulations?
It took for me to consciously ease my mind (sucking away vast amounts of energy in the seemingly difficult task), to eventually find an answer. The fact that somebody was back-biting about me, trying to tarnish my image, was an act of entering my private space without my permission! These were my memories, my life, my experiences that someone else was trying to get into, and not just that-the travesty was the twisting and turning of facts, per convenience, only to broadcast for the world to feed upon. It was a breach of trust, a slap on the face of the so called friendship which I thought existed, a violation of my private space. The fact that I had trusted someone as a friend, but that someone was just using this as a means to get some information, made me feel like a fool who had let her guards down in front of the wrong people. All of this felt like failure of judgement & lack of prudence on my part. Though not expressive, flowers do feel the pain each time a petal is plucked, marking an ugly scar on its face. All of this felt like someone had plucked my metaphorical petal. I was feeling all of this because I felt VIOLATED.
If becoming a victim of menial office politics resulting in some trivial opinions could leave me feeling low and flustered, how would people feel when they are actually violated – physically, sexually, mentally. We suffer from such happenings every now and then, albeit the realisation of it being an actual violation, an infringement of private space, may or may not be as common. Sometimes it’s the lack of realisation and at other times, it’s the inability of the flower to express the pain when one of its petals is plucked.
Many a times, while traveling in a public transport, people tend to almost barge into each other, mostly due to lack of space. But what is surprising, is the audacity with which they tend to enter into someone else’s private space. A very common reaction when I tell someone that they need to shift back and not just stick in, is that of amazement, which in turn makes me question this seemingly obnoxious ask. But sometimes, it is important to push back! It is important to express our unease with the process! Infact, sometimes it is important to transfer this unease from the receiving end to the inflicting end. Why should I feel uncomfortable when actually it’s the person who is trying to take undue advantage of the crowd, who has mal intentions should be feeling uncomfortable.
Every time someone pushed you in a public transport, touching at inappropriate places on the pretext of shortage of space, every time someone groped you simply to run away later; every time someone broke your trust and made you look like a stranger, every time you were cornered and asked for a favour with force, every time a petal was plucked, violating your private space without permission, it left the mind in a state of shock, questioning the fate, questioning one’s own ability to act as a responsible and an independent individual, who can take care of oneself. Who knows, what one might be capitulating to in various situations under varied circumstances!
Recently, there have been multiple news of rapes, coming from different parts of the country, rapes of children of 4 years of age to women of over 50 years. While one would like to question the mind-set of the people who have committed such ruthless crimes, it will be as difficult to understand the state of mind of the victims and their families. These series of brutal incidents have been acting as a reminder of the Nirbhaya case from 2012, which had become a wake up moment for the nation. That and now these, have brought the nation together in the ask for “hanging” the guilty. In the recent rape case of a young veterinarian from Hyderabad, the family of the accused refused to go for trial and asked for their own son to be put to death. The fact that an entire nation would want to come together to gain justice for act of violation against an individual, shows how individual minds have been impacted by this, shows that though not direct, these were acts of violation against women of the country as a whole. Maybe too many petals had been plucked, for the garden of flowers to finally react. Come to think of it, could such licentious crimes have been ensued from violation of some form in the past, for all sentient life forms react to the behaviours they are subjected to!
Effects of such events can be so prominent, that they have become a topic of study. All such inimical acts can or in most cases do, lead to the victim suffering from PTSD or Post-traumatic stress disorder – a mental health condition that’s triggered by a terrifying event — either by experiencing it or witnessing it. Symptoms may include flashbacks, nightmares and severe anxiety, as well as uncontrollable thoughts about the event. As per the National Institute of Mental Health, anyone can develop PTSD at any age. This includes war veterans, children, and people who have been through a physical or sexual assault, abuse, accident, disaster, or other serious events. Even celebrities are not exempt from its effects. Deepika Padukone came into limelight after she accepted that she underwent depression post her breakup with Ranbir Kapoor. In an interview with Vogue magazine, the actress said, “the word that best describes my experience of depression is struggle”. Alia Bhat recently had a break-down on TV, saying despite staying with her sister all her life, she only understood her emotions after reading her book on battling depression. Can such kind of side effects be neglected? Does one think of such consequences while inflicting the pain?
In such situations, generally there are three sides involved – the protagonist, the antagonist and the third party. Though narrations and stories mostly revolve around the first two, the third party also has a major role to play. Reaction to actions – positive or negative, can have an influential impact on the other two parties. The #MeToo movement had many people open up about sexual abuse. While few were accepted, there were many who were callously objectified with sly innuendos and vilified for accusing the well-known. Such denigration in public would have only multiplied the caustic effects of sexual abuse, breaking the courage with which the victim would have decided to come up and speak. Similarly, when an employee goes up to the management to register a complaint about workplace environment, musters a lot of courage to fight back the collateral impacts which may be ensued after the formal complaint. But when the organisation dismisses the complaint, without even showing intention to solve the issue, it sends a message – loud and clear, indicating a lonely battle. Result – a defeated person who has not only been wronged, but also morally left alone by the institution/ system which was supposed to be the support system. The third party, in the above cases – the organisation or the viewers/fans/colleagues, have a very important role to play – that of a mediator, the moral supporter, the confidence booster. But a negative action or even an inaction on their part can create an equally negative impact, exacerbating the situation further. The family, the spouse, the friend, the boss, even the unknown stranger on road at times, – the third party needs to understand the importance of their actions, because in times of vulnerability, things leave a bigger and a longer lasting impression.
An ideal world would be where everyone is mature enough to not pluck the petals of a flower in the first place. But alas! Rare are times when reasoning & virtues supersedes vices, for we no longer live in the “Satyug” era. To someone, it may just be a petal which has been plucked, leaving the other half of the flower intact. However, the scaling of the actual impact on the flower may not be quantifiable. It is only he who has suffered who shall be able to assess and then either show or conceal his/her true feelings. Nonetheless, the walls may be reconstructed, but surely the internal strength gets compromised when the foundation is affected, then the effect may be just because of a small crack or bricks falling off altogether!