Feminism Has Been Hijacked By White Women?

Microscopic view can change the way we look at our world. Need of the hour is to look beyound this view and raise a helping hand for others like us!

We were two management trainees fresh from college waiting to meet the iconic plant head. Filled with awe while meeting this “iron-jawed” icon of the metal world, we raised to shake hands with him. He shook hands with my male colleague and took his seat, leaving my arm stranded in the air. That was the first time when male chauvinism slapped me hard on the face, leaving me humiliated and perplexed. This was followed by several incidents where I was punished in my professional journey, my only fault being my gender. My customers refused to deal with me because they thought women cannot handle commodity business; my vendors chose not to take my orders seriously because they thought women cannot be in an authoritative position to give orders; my colleagues did not include me either in high value deals or in their tea breaks because according to them, women are incapable of handling either serious business or “sutta breaks”; the maximum that people at any official gathering would do in the name of involving me in discussions, was to pass a coquettish grin when I came across them. Though I was vexed by this callous attitude then, today I feel more equipped having experienced it, as this male dominated milieu helped me grow stronger and formed the basis of one of my strongest beliefs – that if you are being refused what you deserve, then don’t hesitate to fight for it, and that nobody will serve you your due on a platter, unless you demand for it.

Though the concept of feminism may appear to be cliché to many, it is a ground reality.Sexual assault, body shaming, wage gap and educational disparities are few issues that form a major part of the argument for feminism. Recently, the #MeToo movement had gained a lot of traction. While this movement was a big hit in the western countries and Hollywood, it was taken up only by few in India, and those who showed the audacity of speaking for themselves were questioned for their authenticity and belittled by many (including women) . Sheer insensitivity on the part of few muzzled the victims, denigrating them in public for bringing those dark secrets to the surface. Is this an indication that feminism exists only for the white women? Only complaints raised by known Indian faces make headlines. While issues raised by celebrities get ears, plight of the unknown are simply lost in the dark. Hence, one issue of feminism is about who is fighting for it and the other, more prominent and troublesome issue is whether people are raising their voices at all!

It is startling how a microscopic view can change the way we look at our world. Our beliefs and objectives vary according to what we see and do. For a fish in the fish tank, the biggest problem might be the wait period for getting food from its owner, while for the “Nemo” living in the sea, the challenges are new each day as it explores new geographies within the unlimited expanse of the ocean! Even after around 15 years of existence of the law regarding awareness about domestic violence and PWDV Act, there are people who do not know that violence against women is a legal crime. Recently I came across cases where women did not even know that they can raise their voices against sexual assault without being vilified for it! Similarly, domestic violence is a very common phenomena but there is still a half of the population that does not know that they don’t need to bear it and there is another half, which do not seem to have the courage to speak against it. So, trapped within the four glass walls, fish in the small tank is unaware of the world outside. On the other hand, “Nemo” might not even realize that there is a fish somewhere so ignorant, who may need an extra insight from the unexplored territories.

As a working girl, I might want to raise my voice for the cause of equality at the workplace, as that is of immediate concern for me while more serious things like domestic violence may not occupy my mind space for lack of it being in my experience zone. “Equality? Equality with whom? Equality for what? Will my stomach be filled with equality?” said Rajbala, an elderly resident from Saharanpur. For Rajbala and many more like her, probably gender issues come secondary to basic human rights. Though shackles of poverty may keep the fire of justice restrained, but the dam of endurance can only hold so much and will be broken someday. The elitism of feminism continues to be transformed by its cohort. It was the courage shown by Bhanwari devi, “a lowly woman from a poor and potter community” from Rajasthan who was taught a lesson by being raped repeatedly for raising her voice against child marriage, that Vishakha guidelines were formed. It was Sampat Pal Devi, who founded the ‘Gulabi Gang‘ dedicated to fighting for equal socio-economic, cultural and political rights for women. These and many more like the protests against the Mathura rape case of 1979-80, the campaigns of the mothers of ” dowry death” victims in 1982, those who marched against the Sati incident of 1987 show that it is not necessarily upper class women who are in the forefront of the struggle. It is only when we all hold hands together that the world starts to see the power of “pink”. Bereft of support, women have had to capitulate to misogyny. Many like me are a part of that ‘white women’ clan who seem to be riding the wave of feminism. It would only be fair to say that, it is our responsibility to pass the ‘fairness cream’ to others so that their ‘dark color’ does not make them invisible even when the lamp of equality is lighted.

Feminism is a war against subjugation and commoditization of women and till the time every woman is able to speak up for herself, the movement cannot even be said to have started in full force, let aside achieving its goal of a fairer, more egalitarian society. Empowerment of all is necessary and the crying need of the hour. Many more, and all those suffering the fate as of Bhanwari Devi, need to be instilled with courage like hers to rise up against the demonic forces prevalent and flourishing in society. Many influencers and feminists promote women in positions of power to help other females rise, for that is surely something that will impact the movement of feminism, its provenance and fate.

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The Devil is Inside YOU!

The devil lies within each one of us, which convinces us that the best we can do is blame the outside world for the troubles we are facing and continue to suffer without taking any actions.
The Devil is inside YOU!

“Husbands are so lucky! They don’t have to do anything after work, they can take time to rest while we have to complete the household chores as well!” this statement from my friend Radha came as a straight shock to me. The acceptance of the fact that it is the woman who is responsible for her household, while if the man does anything, it is an obligatory effort & worthy of praise, is bewildering. It baffles me how we take ourselves for granted and assume roles and responsibilities as per the societal structures. We simply ignore the reality of time – the fact that society is changing and so is the role of any individual. No longer are jobs and roles as gender specific as they once used to be. Women are encouraged to go out and work, albeit without neglecting their home. But the problem with this is that probably, we are not as used to a man looking after the house as to a woman stepping outside the house. This is nothing but an unfair distribution of work and instead of quelling such expectations, reactions like that of my friend are only encouraging it.

Another side effect of this is the burden of working which women feel. “People will start judging me if I leave my job and just sit at home” – said Uma after a tiresome day at the office, a place which she loathed. But at the same time she was highly determined to carry on with the meaningless quotidian routine at her workplace. Did she have a financial obligation? Did her husband and children demand for her to go out and earn her living? The answer to all these questions will be negative, but still she felt that she may be denigrated by society if she allowed herself to become “only a housewife!” This was a result of the bigoted treatment women in her family were given if they did not have a tag of being a service woman attached to them. In order to avoid the passive beating that she felt she had been subjected to, she forced herself to fit into this societal norm. I sometimes wonder if she is repeating the cycle and subconsciously making her children the legatees to the same message – that as girls, they are not worthy enough if they do not go out to earn bread.

It is very apparent that we start blaming ourselves very easily, probably because that is what we have seen our elders do, typically our mothers and their mothers and the generations before. In fact, our minds have become so accustomed to such situations that a lot of us may not even feel that we are subjugated to centuries old patriarchy. If the elderly would have spoken up against the unfair actions and reactions, I am sure people like Uma could have gathered the courage to speak their mind without feeling bound by some social stigma. However, contrary to giving support, cases where a woman tries to subdue another, are rife. This starts from our homes, where a new bride suffers at the hands of her in laws. Ironically, when time gives power in her hands to improve the situation as she takes on the mantle of mother in law, she vents out the frustration stored within for all these years, repeating the age long hackneyed acts again. While a mother is supposed to be an epitome of love, a negative image surfaces on the mention of “mother in law”. Come to think of it, the difference is only “in-law”. Is it big enough to have the kind of effect that we generally experience?

Talk about the corporate world, we are globally struggling with the situation that only a miniscule percentage of women reach the top of the ladder. Even if some super girl crosses all the barriers and reaches a position of power, rarely do we see “she” advocating for “her” as strongly as a man backs up another man. The lady in power finds it difficult to ignore or rectify the same stereotypes and hindrances that she worked so hard to overcome, for others who may want to follow her. I wonder how can we expect men to feel for and look over those difficult situations when a woman who actually experienced it cannot! Having said that, the onus to rise up the ladder lies more on oneself than some third party. How and more importantly why, will someone consider helping me if I myself prefer self-pity over self-help? Appraisals are generally happy news, with bonuses and increased salaries. But Akriti was upset the day appraisal letters were distributed as she was deprived of a well-deserved promotion just because she went on maternity leave in the last month of the year. While she should have raised her voice and asked for justice, she preferred pacifying herself with the logic that women are generally given such treatment during pregnancy, so how can she be any different! This attitude is not only true for females but for a lot of us irrespective of gender. It is clearly not only the responsibility of the person in power to give a helping hand but also of others to raise a hand asking for help.

Cases where women are left bereft of support from their own community do not end here. A rape victim is criticized by both genders equally, throwing the concept of “pitiful victim” down the drain. While a widower is supported, prompted to re-marry and start his life again, widows are pushed to enter the black and white world with as much force by women as by men. In fact, something as natural a thing as the menstrual cycle is seen as a curse and a disease and we women, prefer punishing and weighing the sufferer under the burden of unjust and painful customs instead of giving a soothing hand.

 How and more importantly why, will someone consider helping me if I myself prefer self-pity over self-help?
How and more importantly why, will someone consider helping me if I myself prefer self-pity over self-help?

The devil lies within each one of us, which convinces us that the best we can do is blame the outside world for the troubles we are facing and continue to suffer without taking any actions. Every time we submit to an unjust act, justifying ourselves with the validity of the same, every time we callously embrace the servile attitude, we actually feed into this monster that draws the curtain on our reasoning a little more. If only we could remove these curtains and see how we are pushing ourselves into the dark hollows of distrust and self-doubt, causing self-inflicted pain! As a given, it becomes the responsibility of those in positions of power, either in the corporate sector or the social circles or even in households, to give a hand in support of the rest. If only her mother in law would tell Radha that her husband is also an equal stakeholder in the household work, if only Uma would not have experienced belittling only because some people felt that managing the house is no work in itself, if only the raped, the widowed and every other victim was comforted rather than being punished because society has decided to be unjust to her, these kinds of reactions which come so naturally to a majority of us would have been curbed. It is time that we react and awaken the rational viewpoints sleeping in us, or else we would only be committing the crime of allowing the devil inside us draw the curtain a little more in the wrong direction.

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