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With Reference To Context!

Context and time are of prominence while deciding the virtue of an act
Context and time are of prominence while deciding the virtue of an act!

A legend -touching all forms of human emotions, a stupendous narration of the expected and the unexpected. The Ramanayana portray multifarious duties of a man – towards parents, country, spouse and most prominently, towards “dharma”! It acts as the zenith of an idle conduct that can be expected from a man. Undoubtedly, the main protagonist – Lord Rama is the venerable “maryada purushottam”. But when such idealist ideologies serve the sole purpose of dharma, the rational minds of the 21st century start riddling the metamorphic horses of multiple questions that seem obvious, trailing the turn of events as in the epic. Maybe with the set in of the “kali yuga”, the context and the frames of right and wrong have changed quite a bit!

 My observations, as a natural inclination maybe, was not on the cynosure himself, but the various prominent female characters from the edifying literature. First and foremost, let’s discuss the character, who becomes the means to the glorious end signifying victory of good over evil-“Sita”. Like a dutiful wife, she follows her husband – be it to the grandeur of the royal castle or be it into the harsh woods. She is a very brave character, with endurance as her key strength! The beloved daughter of a king, daughter-in-law of another mighty ruler and wife of one of the greatest kings of his time, Sita lives in the hardships of the forests with the same alacrity, as in any palace. She withstands the torture of the cruel demons, protecting her pride and dignity, not giving into either the temptation of an easier life, or the fear of subjugation. She even stands the test of chastity when her character is questioned by the mob. While the character is synonymous with strength and determination, I wonder why she always remains on an asking end! Despite being a “swayamwar”, she has no say in selecting her husband, she is supposed to be married off to the one fulfilling the conditions of the contest. During her journey in the woods, she is simply trailing her husband, adhering to the conditions in which he decides to live. She is kidnapped to a foreign land, with no resort but to pray for her husband to come and rescue her. People raise fingers on her character and she is asked to walk through fire to prove her virtue. It is only when water rises beyond her head that she finally takes active action for herself, but alas, finding solace only in another world. Maybe this was the definition of a quintessential wife, and she was a part of the story only to depict the same. After all, it was the story of Rama, and the world remembers Sita as the wife of Rama!

 Following in line are the other sisters from Mithila. Urmila was asked by her husband to stay back and serve his parents for 14 years while he would follow his brother in exile. While it all sounds great when we let the voice of Ramayana – that of dharma and rectitude narrate the story. But in absolute sense, it appeared that she was asked to follow her duties without even considering if she was willing to take it up. Was it a price paid for being a wife? Similar was the case of tacit agreement from Bharat’s wife, Mandavi & Vibhishan’s wife, when he left Ravana’s court to join Rama’s army. Looking at these stories, it seems like men sacrificed their women amongst many other things, to reach the heights of glory that they did! 

 Another female character, who acts as the trigger for the climax of Ramayan,is known to defy her duties as a pious wife or mother. Yes, we are talking of “Kaikai” the lady who personified the saying “Vinaash kale viprit buddhi”. Though not for an ideal cause, but she seems to be the only female character in the epic, who stood up for her rights, for what she thought was in her son’s well-being. Will she still be considered as wrong and ill-intentioned, if the scenario changes from that in Treta yuga to Kali yuga – a time when people don’t mind stepping on the other for their purpose. Maybe not! In that case, the behavior of all other lady characters will also no longer be considered ideal, but helpless and feeble! Maybe that is why, context and time are of prominence while deciding the virtue of an act.

Time has the power to make things relevant and irrelevant. So has the epic lost relevance? Maybe not. But are certain things and behaviors questionable? Possibly yes. Is it this change in time that necessitated a Krishna with his twisting and turning mannerism to get rid of the evil in a changed era, instead of a “dharmapurush” like Rama? The Ramayana refers to an age when probably women considered such sacrifices a part of their duty towards their families, especially their husband. However, the zeitgeist of the current times has changed, where the man has somehow assumed an upper hand, imposing such sacrifices on the so called second sex, rather than it being a willful exercise. Will these asks still be construed as rightful and adhering to dharma? Though not qualified enough for the exegesis of these scriptures and books, it would only be a cogent argument that context setting may act as a fillip to alter the reaction of even great men in different times. 

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Feminism Has Been Hijacked By White Women?

Microscopic view can change the way we look at our world. Need of the hour is to look beyound this view and raise a helping hand for others like us!

We were two management trainees fresh from college waiting to meet the iconic plant head. Filled with awe while meeting this “iron-jawed” icon of the metal world, we raised to shake hands with him. He shook hands with my male colleague and took his seat, leaving my arm stranded in the air. That was the first time when male chauvinism slapped me hard on the face, leaving me humiliated and perplexed. This was followed by several incidents where I was punished in my professional journey, my only fault being my gender. My customers refused to deal with me because they thought women cannot handle commodity business; my vendors chose not to take my orders seriously because they thought women cannot be in an authoritative position to give orders; my colleagues did not include me either in high value deals or in their tea breaks because according to them, women are incapable of handling either serious business or “sutta breaks”; the maximum that people at any official gathering would do in the name of involving me in discussions, was to pass a coquettish grin when I came across them. Though I was vexed by this callous attitude then, today I feel more equipped having experienced it, as this male dominated milieu helped me grow stronger and formed the basis of one of my strongest beliefs – that if you are being refused what you deserve, then don’t hesitate to fight for it, and that nobody will serve you your due on a platter, unless you demand for it.

Though the concept of feminism may appear to be cliché to many, it is a ground reality.Sexual assault, body shaming, wage gap and educational disparities are few issues that form a major part of the argument for feminism. Recently, the #MeToo movement had gained a lot of traction. While this movement was a big hit in the western countries and Hollywood, it was taken up only by few in India, and those who showed the audacity of speaking for themselves were questioned for their authenticity and belittled by many (including women) . Sheer insensitivity on the part of few muzzled the victims, denigrating them in public for bringing those dark secrets to the surface. Is this an indication that feminism exists only for the white women? Only complaints raised by known Indian faces make headlines. While issues raised by celebrities get ears, plight of the unknown are simply lost in the dark. Hence, one issue of feminism is about who is fighting for it and the other, more prominent and troublesome issue is whether people are raising their voices at all!

It is startling how a microscopic view can change the way we look at our world. Our beliefs and objectives vary according to what we see and do. For a fish in the fish tank, the biggest problem might be the wait period for getting food from its owner, while for the “Nemo” living in the sea, the challenges are new each day as it explores new geographies within the unlimited expanse of the ocean! Even after around 15 years of existence of the law regarding awareness about domestic violence and PWDV Act, there are people who do not know that violence against women is a legal crime. Recently I came across cases where women did not even know that they can raise their voices against sexual assault without being vilified for it! Similarly, domestic violence is a very common phenomena but there is still a half of the population that does not know that they don’t need to bear it and there is another half, which do not seem to have the courage to speak against it. So, trapped within the four glass walls, fish in the small tank is unaware of the world outside. On the other hand, “Nemo” might not even realize that there is a fish somewhere so ignorant, who may need an extra insight from the unexplored territories.

As a working girl, I might want to raise my voice for the cause of equality at the workplace, as that is of immediate concern for me while more serious things like domestic violence may not occupy my mind space for lack of it being in my experience zone. “Equality? Equality with whom? Equality for what? Will my stomach be filled with equality?” said Rajbala, an elderly resident from Saharanpur. For Rajbala and many more like her, probably gender issues come secondary to basic human rights. Though shackles of poverty may keep the fire of justice restrained, but the dam of endurance can only hold so much and will be broken someday. The elitism of feminism continues to be transformed by its cohort. It was the courage shown by Bhanwari devi, “a lowly woman from a poor and potter community” from Rajasthan who was taught a lesson by being raped repeatedly for raising her voice against child marriage, that Vishakha guidelines were formed. It was Sampat Pal Devi, who founded the ‘Gulabi Gang‘ dedicated to fighting for equal socio-economic, cultural and political rights for women. These and many more like the protests against the Mathura rape case of 1979-80, the campaigns of the mothers of ” dowry death” victims in 1982, those who marched against the Sati incident of 1987 show that it is not necessarily upper class women who are in the forefront of the struggle. It is only when we all hold hands together that the world starts to see the power of “pink”. Bereft of support, women have had to capitulate to misogyny. Many like me are a part of that ‘white women’ clan who seem to be riding the wave of feminism. It would only be fair to say that, it is our responsibility to pass the ‘fairness cream’ to others so that their ‘dark color’ does not make them invisible even when the lamp of equality is lighted.

Feminism is a war against subjugation and commoditization of women and till the time every woman is able to speak up for herself, the movement cannot even be said to have started in full force, let aside achieving its goal of a fairer, more egalitarian society. Empowerment of all is necessary and the crying need of the hour. Many more, and all those suffering the fate as of Bhanwari Devi, need to be instilled with courage like hers to rise up against the demonic forces prevalent and flourishing in society. Many influencers and feminists promote women in positions of power to help other females rise, for that is surely something that will impact the movement of feminism, its provenance and fate.

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Sociology Of The Ancestral House!

Many people have taken to new, smaller houses, and these huge structures are now termed as “ancestral homes”, clearly indicating how these have become a thing of the past!

Remember the crowded streets, the electricity wires travelling over your head, the row of pigeons sitting on the wire, and the stately house standing tall in the middle of all this? Remember the porch and the garden with green grass and seasonal flowers, the common area with multiple rooms forming a boundary around it? Remember the children playing in the gallery and their mothers shouting for them to come home for dinner? These and many more such images take me down the memory lane to the grand house where I spent my childhood. Let’s just say, in the words of the famous singer Mary Hopkin – those were the days!

A striking feature of our traditional sociology is the joint family structure, which played a prominent role in defining the roles of people in our social milieu. Till a few years back and even now in parts of the country, two-three generations staying together was a common phenomena. All brothers and their families were placed in the same house, with sections belonging to each. I remember finding it weird when suddenly the definition of family changed to “hum do, hamare do”, because for me, family constituted of multiple relations other than my parents. In fact, my family tree included the offspring of 4 brothers (4 sets of grandparents). For a good amount of time, I took great pride in starting my interviews with the line “I belong to a joint family” and how this setting had helped me working in teams, instilling in me the values of adjustment and sharing, which are a must in all phases of life. Befitting the size of the families, the good old days saw huge, multilevel, open houses with multiple rooms. Today, the movement of people outside their towns for lucrative jobs and better lifestyle is resulting in shrinking family sizes. Many people have taken to new, smaller houses, and these huge structures are now termed as “ancestral homes”, clearly indicating how these have become a thing of the past!    

With multiple generations living under the same roof, the mighty edifice would be a chaotic yet cosy dwelling to people of all age groups – right from a toddler till the grannies and grandpas of the house. Just as what can be expected from a full-fledged family, the house is filled with sounds – that of laughter, light banter, crazy fights, of children crying, playing, shouting and the parents scolding/ commanding over the children! All adding to the wonderful memories that a group of people may share. I remember my mom calling my name, looking out for me for dinner. After completing all her household chores, she would be bothered by the thought of her young child only if it was of utmost importance. This freedom was bestowed on my parents by virtue of reliance on their kin in the same house to look after me – grandparents, uncles & aunts, cousins who were older to me. Probably raising families was also easier back then. The child was not the responsibility of parents only, but that of the entire family. However, with the legatees of the house migrating out, new life coming to being has become a rare phenomenon in these old structures. It will now no longer be privy to the secrets and the mischiefs of the children, but will only hear aching voices of the elderly and their longing for the next visit by their children.

There was a time when despite having multiple rooms in the house, we children longed to have separate rooms each, but could never relish the private space due to the number of people residing in the same apparent stately house. Today, with many leaving the abode, the edifice built for accommodating 20-25 has much fewer number of people gracing it. Though this has made room for providing enough privacy to every individual, but maybe after decades of living together, the absence of those gone leaves a void, making the scenario with space constraint but happy moments, more favourable.

My grandparents migrated from a village in UP to a bigger city in search of a better life for their children. When I became acquainted with the grand house which once was the centre of power and attraction in the small village, I was awed by the magnificence of the architecture and the grandeur of the influential abode. Unaware of the worldly affairs, I wondered why my grandparents left this beauty! But like everything, this migration process also came to cycles as we (my siblings & myself) started moving out of our native place, relocating to a metro city to achieve heights in our corporate careers. I again wonder, who will grace this place we call home today, after all in my generation find a business someplace else. Will this house also be awarded the epithet of the antique ancestral home?!

In this process of change over time, the grandparents have succumbed to old age and left the world, and the grand children have moved out in search of prospects of a better life, it is the line of parents that remain to cherish and maintain the ancestral property. They stay in only a few rooms, with the remaining stay closed. Cobwebs and dust seem to be the new residents of these rooms. Once in a while, the rooms are cleaned, everything brought back to its place, maybe bringing back memories of the good old times when it was still an animated place. 

As large swathes of mankind relocate to bigger cities in search of better opportunities, leaving behind the houses received in patrimony, they accept to live in miniature places – the only available space which the megalopolis has to offer! It is fascinating to see how minicondos and flats are replacing the large open houses. It’s like a choice one makes – whether to be a big fish in a small pond or a small fish in a big pond. Maybe all fishes are looking out for the varied experiences of the bigger pond, and so the smaller pond seem to be left with corals which may soon reach a state of extinction.

Are these antiques, pieces of architecture signifying change –yes for sure! But is it a good change or not – time will only tell!! With due course of time, present always transitions to become the past, and then slowly a part of tomorrow’s history. These houses are also in the process of becoming history. Are they simply materialistic collaterals which are compromised in the process of human evolution? The architecture from many civilisations that we read about in our history books – were also once home to some people. But clearly, as generations progressed, the ancestors, their properties and their provenance were forgotten. Will these beautiful homes be also just left bereft of any emotional connect with due course of time, and simply become a part of archaeology of tomorrow? While cleaning the cobwebs and dust from those closed rooms, are we cleaning away the emotional history of that place? Is it the sacrifice that we make for the sake of progress and prosperity of the ever evolving species?

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VIOLATED!

VIOLATED!

It was in the middle of a meeting when all the careless whispers that I had not been hearing came whirling,  like a maelstrom of loud noises and accusations. Before my mind could process one allegation, there was a barrage of partially or completely false ones, almost as if in a queue, ready to be hurled at my face. It took me a moment to understand that the meeting and the blame game was an act of pre-plotted perfidy by a few in the team, for reasons I could not fathom. It would not be an exaggeration for me to say, that this episode took me to the court of Hastinapur, in place of Draupadi while she was being disrobed, only that there was no Krishna as saviour, to stave off the humiliation. I was frustrated, irritated and angry,all at once, with tears at the verge of spilling. I remember telling myself after the incident, that this was actually not that big a deal; that this place and these people do not really matter as much, then why such tribulations? 

It took for me to consciously ease my mind (sucking away vast amounts of energy in the seemingly difficult task), to eventually find an answer. The fact that somebody was back-biting about me, trying to tarnish my image, was an act of entering my private space without my permission! These were my memories, my life, my experiences that someone else was trying to get into, and not just that-the travesty was the twisting and turning of facts, per convenience, only to broadcast for the world to feed upon. It was a breach of trust, a slap on the face of the so called friendship which I thought existed, a violation of my private space. The fact that I had trusted someone as a friend, but that someone was just using this as a means to get some information, made me feel like a fool who had let her guards down in front of the wrong people. All of this felt like failure of judgement & lack of prudence on my part. Though not expressive, flowers do feel the pain each time a petal is plucked, marking an ugly scar on its face. All of this felt like someone had plucked my metaphorical petal. I was feeling all of this because I felt VIOLATED.

If becoming a victim of menial office politics resulting in some trivial opinions could leave me feeling low and flustered, how would people feel when they are actually violated – physically, sexually, mentally. We suffer from such happenings every now and then, albeit the realisation of it being an actual violation, an infringement of private space, may or may not be as common. Sometimes it’s the lack of realisation and at other times, it’s the inability of the flower to express the pain when one of its petals is plucked.

Many a times, while traveling in a public transport, people tend to almost barge into each other, mostly due to lack of space. But what is surprising, is the audacity with which they tend to enter into someone else’s private space. A very common reaction when I tell someone that they need to shift back and not just stick in, is that of amazement, which in turn makes me question this seemingly obnoxious ask. But sometimes, it is important to push back! It is important to express our unease with the process! Infact, sometimes it is important to transfer this unease from the receiving end to the inflicting end. Why should I feel uncomfortable when actually it’s the person who is trying to take undue advantage of the crowd, who has mal intentions should be feeling uncomfortable.  

Every time someone pushed you in a public transport, touching at inappropriate places on the pretext of shortage of space, every time someone groped you simply to run away later; every time someone broke your trust and made you look like a stranger, every time you were cornered and asked for a favour with force, every time a petal was plucked, violating your private space without permission, it left the mind in a state of shock, questioning the fate, questioning one’s own ability to act as a responsible and an independent individual, who can take care of oneself. Who knows, what one might be capitulating to in various situations under varied circumstances!

Recently, there have been multiple news of rapes, coming from different parts of the country, rapes of children of 4 years of age to women of over 50 years. While one would like to question the mind-set of the people who have committed such ruthless crimes, it will be as difficult to understand the state of mind of the victims and their families. These series of brutal incidents have been acting as a reminder of the Nirbhaya case from 2012, which had become a wake up moment for the nation. That and now these, have brought the nation together in the ask for “hanging” the guilty. In the recent rape case of a young veterinarian from Hyderabad, the family of the accused refused to go for trial and asked for their own son to be put to death. The fact that an entire nation would want to come together to gain justice for act of violation against an individual, shows how individual minds have been impacted by this, shows that though not direct, these were acts of violation against women of the country as a whole. Maybe too many petals had been plucked, for the garden of flowers to finally react. Come to think of it, could such licentious crimes have been ensued from violation of some form in the past, for all sentient life forms react to the behaviours they are subjected to!

Effects of such events can be so prominent, that they have become a topic of study. All such inimical acts can or in most cases do, lead to the victim suffering from PTSD or Post-traumatic stress disorder – a mental health condition that’s triggered by a terrifying event — either by experiencing it or witnessing it. Symptoms may include flashbacks, nightmares and severe anxiety, as well as uncontrollable thoughts about the event. As per the National Institute of Mental Health, anyone can develop PTSD at any age. This includes war veterans, children, and people who have been through a physical or sexual assault, abuse, accident, disaster, or other serious events. Even celebrities are not exempt from its effects. Deepika Padukone came into limelight after she accepted that she underwent depression post her breakup with Ranbir Kapoor. In an interview with Vogue magazine, the actress said, “the word that best describes my experience of depression is struggle”. Alia Bhat recently had a break-down on TV, saying despite staying with her sister all her life, she only understood her emotions after reading her book on battling depression.   Can such kind of side effects be neglected? Does one think of such consequences while inflicting the pain?  

In such situations, generally there are three sides involved – the protagonist, the antagonist and the third party. Though narrations and stories mostly revolve around the first two, the third party also has a major role to play. Reaction to actions – positive or negative, can have an influential impact on the other two parties. The #MeToo movement had many people open up about sexual abuse. While few were accepted, there were many who were callously objectified with sly innuendos and vilified for accusing the well-known. Such denigration in public would have only multiplied the caustic effects of sexual abuse, breaking the courage with which the victim would have decided to come up and speak. Similarly, when an employee goes up to the management to register a complaint about workplace environment, musters a lot of courage to fight back the collateral impacts which may be ensued after the formal complaint. But when the organisation dismisses the complaint, without even showing intention to solve the issue, it sends a message – loud and clear, indicating a lonely battle. Result – a defeated person who has not only been wronged, but also morally left alone by the institution/ system which was supposed to be the support system. The third party, in the above cases – the organisation or the viewers/fans/colleagues, have a very important role to play – that of a mediator, the moral supporter, the confidence booster. But a negative action or even an inaction on their part can create an equally negative impact, exacerbating the situation further. The family, the spouse, the friend, the boss, even the unknown stranger on road at times, – the third party needs to understand the importance of their actions, because in times of vulnerability, things leave a bigger and a longer lasting impression.

An ideal world would be where everyone is mature enough to not pluck the petals of a flower in the first place. But alas! Rare are times when reasoning & virtues supersedes vices, for we no longer live in the “Satyug” era. To someone, it may just be a petal which has been plucked, leaving the other half of the flower intact. However, the scaling of the actual impact on the flower may not be quantifiable. It is only he who has suffered who shall be able to assess and then either show or conceal his/her true feelings. Nonetheless, the walls may be reconstructed, but surely the internal strength gets compromised when the foundation is affected, then the effect may be just because of a small crack or bricks falling off altogether!

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Time Period I Would Like To Go Back To..

Time has the power – to change things as per its own will, in its own pace. The constantly turning time wheel makes you acknowledge one of the most prominent reality of life – that nothing is permanent. This awareness was ensued from the recent loss of my grandmother. This unfortunate incident triggered a train of thoughts in my mind, reminding me of the fact that I had lost multiple close family members in a very short period of time, the cognizance that while I will no longer have them standing behind my back, I was lucky enough to get their love and warmth, & the truth that it will only be wise to live every single moment and celebrate every single person in our lives to the fullest, for tomorrow cannot be relied on! 

Ambika_Rahul
With an envelope of pure and protective blessings from the elders & the love and warmth of friends and family, I was living in a phase where nothing appeared impossible

As I was trying to cope up with the maelstrom of thoughts inside me, a glimpse of a family picture from my wedding elicited an unexpected smile on my face. My mind seemed to have found an instrument to fill that void inside me – the beautiful memories from a time, fortuitous enough to witness the presence of all the prominent relations gracefully playing their parts. Happy and cheerful people; concerned and well-wishing parents; proud grandparents; emotional yet happy siblings; light banter of friends; music that is soothing and makes you dance to its tune; mouth-watering food and uncountable smiles and laughs. This is the image recreated every time I think of my wedding – those five days that seem to have encompassed more than a century of happiness within them.

With an envelope of pure and protective blessings from the elders & the love and warmth of friends and family, I was living in a phase where nothing appeared impossible. I seemed to have an energy so high that it could ignite a fire inside me and I could carry that fireball in my hand. I was as carefree as a fawn jumping across the green wood oblivious to any boundaries. I was as gleeful as the dolphin playing in the ocean and splashing water all over. I was as content as a monk meditating in his monastery. I was surfing on this unknown, unexplored tide of alacrity where I knew that whatever was happening, was just right! I think I wanted nothing more and nothing less.

 It is said that you attract what you desire and how you feel. I could see it happen then. Everyone around me seemed to be reciprocating the welcoming zeal inside me. Fun, frolic, laughter and high spirits of a reunion was proliferating. Even though there was an urgency of the responsibility, but the sparkling joy in our eyes would just ease that in a matter of seconds.

The vigour which had taken hold of me, made me take up the challenge of managing the gamut of celebrations as well. I was the choreographer of my sangeet function, the interior decorator of all the venues of the wedding, the dress designer for all my costumes. In short, I was my wedding planner. Of course, I could give some credit to my younger sisters and my parents who might have played some role in this! Those endless shopping sprees which would make you feel like the powerful czar who could buy everything, were one of the most unforgettable part of the whole preparation. The feeling of wholesomeness, that all those people who matter were around, with full participation in your happiness, is what completed this beautiful & colourful jigsaw puzzle.

Reminiscence of my wedding is a gateway to multiple emotions and feelings, involving smiles and tears arousing at the same time, but they surely are one of the happiest that I have ever experienced. Till date whenever I attend a wedding or witness any wedding video or pictures, it takes me back to the winter of 2014 and I relive the entire experience again. This is the time in my history of events, the gates to which I would always keep open and return to as often as possible, to feel that bliss maybe just once again.  

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These Are The Best Of Times..These Are The Worst Of Times!

There is fire rising in the placid waters of the ocean again. We need to make sure that this epoch is not left bereft of its light and warmth.
There is fire rising in the placid waters of the ocean again. We need to make sure that this epoch is not left bereft of its light and warmth.

“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of light, it was the season of darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair.”

Charles Dickens may have used these lines to describe the disruptive state of affairs in the 18th century England and France, and today, almost two and a half centuries later in the 21st century, they serve as the perfect allegory of the current condition of our mainland – India.

India has a glorious provenance and a progressive present, where any individual can look for opportunities with certainty. The British left us in a state of misery, bogged down by ages of oppressions & loot. Nonetheless, we managed to emerge – not just to survive, but actually flourish and take our own role on the global podium as an upcoming leader. There are multiple areas where India has been acing the performance charts. Despite being one of the most populous countries in the world, India accomplished the daunting task of polio eradication – a significant achievement of the country in the field of science. We have been able to achieve such feats time and again, including creating very low cost medical treatments as compared to the developed nations, so that they become affordable for the majority of public; developing one of the most low cost space programs in the world; manufacturing cars available within INR 1 lakh. All of these suggest the brilliance of the people of this country and how they have been able to achieve goals with limited available resources – mastering the art of frugality! Speaking of brilliance, India is known to produce rich minds with CXOs of multinational firms coming from Indian origin, talented workforce all over the world in the IT sector is known to come from India. Sports, where cricket was the only known face among the mass, has reached new heights today, with importance given to fields other than cricket. This can be figured from the medals the country has been winning in various international games in the past few years.  

Today’s India recognizes the need for better infrastructure for its talented youth to be able to contribute to the economy. This is reflective in the fact that India has been working on improving its ranking on the ease of doing business. Today’s India feels like an enlightened India where the government is trying to gather a mass momentum for a better tomorrow. One of the greatest signs of growth can be seen in our gradual movement from the base of Maslow’s hierarchy. While we still have to manage the basic necessities for a large chunk, as a society we have not just aged, but matured over the years to actually talk of well-being of the society as a whole. The radio is filled with ads related to girl child development, education, sanitation, consumer rights etc., each of them prompting the citizens of this country to bring small changes to their lifestyle to contribute to the community’s progress. While a series of years in the history have witnessed a male dominated India, today efforts are being made, and even realized in the direction of women empowerment. The decisions pertaining to the life of “granny” in her young days were related to whether she should be kept alive or not, which house she should be married off to! With the passage of two generations, things have changed for the “precious granddaughter”, where her family is thinking about her career and all round development.   

While this is a sign of a progressing nation, there are multiple instances where mass has been mobilized only to bring harm, so that objective of a few can be achieved. The Ayodhya verdict, which is finally settled for good, was undoubtedly the most awaited one for the entire nation, to the extent that this has been one of the major agenda of elections in the country for over decades now. This is a classic example of how emotions of the mob are played upon, for the benefit of power and position. How far reaching the impact of such selfish strategies may be, are of concern to none. Rising riots for reservation, mob lynching, war over religion etc. have become rife. A news headline referring to any of the above or similar issues may bother one, but are no more shocking. This in itself reflects a very sad state of affairs. 

On one side we see rays of hope for a shining future of this country, which has been trying to make efforts to achieve utopia. However, all these efforts seem to go in vain and are overshadowed by the insensitive selfish acts of a few. The irony is, the same mouth will denigrate his own country, who started spitting dirt in the first place. Vices in a man, aiming for personal gain are an innate part of human nature and getting over them will need a climb further up the hierarchy’s triangle. However, rationale and reasoning can be cultivated, which may actually be a solution to the chaos created by the unnecessary influence by acerbic elements in the society. Man needs to rise to reason and prevent himself from falling prey to a series of devious stratagems.

“Where the mind is without fear and the head is held high; where knowledge is free; where the world has not been broken up into fragments by narrow domestic walls; Into that heaven of freedom, my Father, let my country awake.” These were the words of Rabindranath Tagore, his dream for free India and today, when the country stands at the cusp of leadership and anonymity, every Indian should make Tagore’s dream his own, and push our society and hence, the nation towards the climb. There is fire rising in the placid waters of the ocean again. We need to make sure that this epoch is not left bereft of its light and warmth.

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Some Personalities Are Acidic & Some Alkaline

Some Personalities Are Acidic & Some Are Alkaline

A new family environment with a stringent set of rules. This is what my mother came to after her marriage. The situation may have been bearable for her alone, but the possibility that those rules might act as a deterrent in the growth of her children was difficult to accept for her. In retrospection, I feel very proud to say that we (my siblings and myself) have received the best possible education and exposure necessary for our all-round development. My mother was the permeable wall which only let good thoughts, love and blessings pass through her to reach us and stopped anything which could have affected young minds, preventing negative impression create roots. Today when I have the periscope to look at different faces of relationships, I realize how perfect an example of balance she is, who strikes just the right chords, keeping everyone in harmony. I hope that I have inherited this personality and will be able to create a perfect solution, gelling well with the base wherever I go – just like she does.

 Keeping the same values intact with me, I stepped out of the cozy environment of my nest for the first time and entered the dreamy world of graduation college (I would blame Bollywood for creating this wonderful image of college life in my mind.) Putting an icing on the cake of my dreamy world was the fact that I soon became very popular. Undoubtedly this attracted envy of few. But little did I know that some people will have no work other than directing all their energy to disturb my life! Suddenly people started having many wrong notions about myself and I soon realized that it was the doing of none other than those who called themselves my friends. That realization left an acerbic taste in my mouth. A little salt is required in every dish but too much of it can sometimes make the food poisonous. This experience led me to think that people are not what they seem to be and taught me the most caustic lesson in life – to prevent being eaten from the snake, one has to become the eagle!

 Once bitten twice shy! This is how I saw the outside world after few bitter bytes from the pie of life, taking every step with caution. On starting my journey as a B-School student, I presumed that people, especially those who have seen the world, could be wiser and crafty. This belief system changed my demeanour unknowingly, of which I am still not sure if it was a good thing or not. But contrary to all my apprehensions, I found the saying by St. Kabir applicable here “bura jo dekhan main chala, bura na milya koye. Jo mann khoja apna, to mujhse bura na koye!” The way my peers encapsulated me as an integral part of that world, with an intention of mutual growth, it made me shed away all my previous inhibitions!

 We always aim to see the good around us, however,  just like the continuous crest and trough of a wave, life also is a series of continuous highs and lows. An essential part of everyone’s life today, the corporate world could be the quintessential wave like experience. Though a relatively short stint so far, but my corporate journey has given me ample flavors of people management & different types of personalities. People say that one finds true friendship only while young. But I am lucky to have found some gems along the office corridors & work desk. Over the course of time I have realized how these few people have been making this coarse journey seem easy and enjoyable. Right guidance to steer properly through one’s career is critical and I was lucky enough to come across a few great leaders, who have always worked to bring out the best in me. Acting as the catalyst in professional growth, they are the ones who work on you and lift you up the ladder. But then there are those who will want to pull you down, every time they see you take one step up the ladder. I am pretty sure that one cannot skip encountering these hurdles and I am no exception. Generally popularity plays a big role in creating an image of a corporate. Efforts on soiling that image to fulfill one’s own motives, direct/ indirect attempts on denigration, are rife in “office politics”. Dealing with these highs and lows of the sine wave of corporate life is probably what is known as people management skills and the higher number of years you spend working, the more you realize the importance of these skills. 

A pearl is developed in its shell over a period of multiple years. These mixed experiences over the years have honed me as a person. The maturity to understand the grey areas of life and the ability to rise above the binary classification of good and bad, comes only with experience. There will always be those pungent and erosive agents in our lives who will contribute to corroding our beautiful surfaces which makes us outshine them. It is our responsibility to identify, and then hold on to those basic elements who help maintain the much needed balance in our lives. It is easy for a tree to spread its branches horizontally because there are ample number of well-wishers of the well-to-do. The difficult part is to fix the roots properly in the ground and grow from a sapling to a tree for that is when people try to create hurdles. With this learning in mind and those that hold my roots to the ground looking over my back, I try to walk the roads less traveled by, and that shall make all the difference!

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The Boss Effect!

Leadership is not a position or a title, it is action and example

An eager beaver, fresh out of college, I entered the corporate world after campus placement. Like any newbie, I was super excited by the idea of finally getting to do hands on work in real life (albeit it is only when you are threatened by the horrific dinosaurs in the Jurassic Park of the corporate life, that you realize how wonderful the Disney Land of simulated college life was). I felt like a midget entering the garden of giants, who needed knowledge for food from the experienced behemoths in order to grow. It was on a bright sunny morning during my first season in the garden that I was introduced to my boss – “Ms. On Purpose”. After working under her, I realized that becoming a giant in the corporate world is definitely not an easy task and requires a lot of effort. Despite the fact that I recall several instances of having been tortured by her-enough for me to have elicited spontaneous curses, I will always speak of her as a good leader with all due respect. This may have been for one simple reason – she worked on me for a better me. Those few rugged years resulted in a positive transformation which would clearly say that hey, all of that was done on purpose!

Few years later, I had the opportunity to work with another manager – “Mr. Boss Man”! How would you like if your manager gave you ample freedom to work, in the manner you want, with no restrictions on the work timings and the leaves you can take (of course that is only till the time you are in adherence to the policies, because the boss man would not want to go against the boss to get your purpose solved). I am sure majority of us would be thrilled with the idea, because who wouldn’t like an easy go lucky manager right?! But for some reason, I was not as satisfied with this manager – maybe because I could not see the leadership and the guidance which I was seeking. There didn’t appear to be any value addition to my skills. On the contrary, all I could see in him, was lack of interest in my growth which started having a soporific effect on my career. I started feeling lost with no clear growth trajectory. Mr. Boss Man would always show a rosy picture in accordance with the taste and requirement of his boss, callously disregarding the affect it may bestow on the team. This attitude made me wonder if he is a people manager or a boss manager!

As luck would have it, I was released from the sweet, directionless garden of joy and allotted a different team. Then came “Mr. Haughty Pants But I Know Nothing” into my life. Well, so to say he was that iconic manager who had neither the subject knowledge nor the intellect to run a team. The only resource which he had in abundance was the lack of trust. Well yes, Mr. Haughty Pants would burden you with a highly exacting work environment, expect you to work 24*7, but at the same time doubt every intention and every action that you take. The latest ‘adventure’ with the nagging manager made Mr. Boss Man quite acceptable-retrospectively, of course! Maybe it is only after the relative comparisons between the good, the bad and the ugly that you realize the value of good – it is only after comparing the three different characters, I realized that a strict and erudite Ms. On Purpose was the best for me. Needless to mention that Mr. Haughty Pants would love to have several servile Boss Mans working under him, who would agree to all his demands at the first instance.

It was these back to back experiences that made me take a conscious decision to cultivate those qualities which will evoke respect from my team in future. After all, if I am unable to add value to a subordinate, then there is no point in reaching a certain position with much coveted authority. I recall getting vexed and disinterested to the extent that I was ready to take another job, mostly because of the people I was working with. Does an employee leave an organization or a manager? This is a million dollar question that the HR fraternity has been mulling over for as long as the corporate history has been documented. There might be a possibility that my universe of comparison might be small as far as managers are concerned, but it was enough to value the importance of a good leader.

Clearly, the manager has a huge effect on how a resource prospers and grows in an organization. One needs to understand that there is a difference between a leader and a senior resource in the organization. Few of my managers or even other senior people in the management team have attained those fancy titles by virtue of either their ability to perform great tasks or because they have been with the organization since the ice age! But are these people able to create the next line of managers and leaders – that’s doubtful. It’s easier to be an individual contributor, but with authority comes responsibility. Organizations need to understand that they need to train their resources, not just to create and market great products, but also multiply efficient resources under them who can deliver the same quality of work, or even better. Leadership is not a position or a title, it is action and example. But alas, rarely do we get to see one live.

There is another issue which has been taken up widely across the globe – gender equality at workplace. Well, as unrelated as it may sound here, this is also a function of good leadership. This movement demands change in the basic mindset and policies which can only be driven from the top. The change needs to be ingrained in the ethos of the organization. Here, the concept of community development plays a very important role. Women need to draw the ladder for other women, as empathy, of which women will be more capable as compared to the opposite gender, can create a big difference.

There is no doubt that the basic DNA of any organization is built by its people and the culture essentially flows from the top. Imagine an organization where an On Purpose is working under a Boss Man who is further reporting to a Haughty Pants. What kind of culture will percolate here! The likes of Haughty Pants being the senior most, will give a message to juniors that irrespective of any talent, those who are good at boot licking and adhering to person specific demands can prosper. When the Boss Man will reach the senior most position, he will come with an assumption that knowledge and talent can play no good or bad role. So, growth of subordinates and hence of the organization, will not be in alignment with his KRAs or appraisals. Lastly, by the time someone cogent like On Purpose gets the chance to get on the power play and make a difference, he would have either capitulated to the circumstances and lost the appetite for reforms, or would have left the organization long back to go someplace more suitable. Clearly, this is a classic case of attrition of good resources which needs to be prevented from happening. It is only when the rain of good leadership falls on an organization, the drops of wisdom trickle down from layer to layer, providing a shield against the heat by moistening every surface that it passes through.

The great Nelson Mandela once said, “A leader is like a shepherd. He stays behind the flock, letting the most nimble go out ahead, whereupon the others follow, not realizing that all along that they are being directed from behind.” Only if we all could aspire to be the shepherd and the organizations would fuel this fire burning in our bellies to create a better tomorrow.

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The Devil is Inside YOU!

The devil lies within each one of us, which convinces us that the best we can do is blame the outside world for the troubles we are facing and continue to suffer without taking any actions.
The Devil is inside YOU!

“Husbands are so lucky! They don’t have to do anything after work, they can take time to rest while we have to complete the household chores as well!” this statement from my friend Radha came as a straight shock to me. The acceptance of the fact that it is the woman who is responsible for her household, while if the man does anything, it is an obligatory effort & worthy of praise, is bewildering. It baffles me how we take ourselves for granted and assume roles and responsibilities as per the societal structures. We simply ignore the reality of time – the fact that society is changing and so is the role of any individual. No longer are jobs and roles as gender specific as they once used to be. Women are encouraged to go out and work, albeit without neglecting their home. But the problem with this is that probably, we are not as used to a man looking after the house as to a woman stepping outside the house. This is nothing but an unfair distribution of work and instead of quelling such expectations, reactions like that of my friend are only encouraging it.

Another side effect of this is the burden of working which women feel. “People will start judging me if I leave my job and just sit at home” – said Uma after a tiresome day at the office, a place which she loathed. But at the same time she was highly determined to carry on with the meaningless quotidian routine at her workplace. Did she have a financial obligation? Did her husband and children demand for her to go out and earn her living? The answer to all these questions will be negative, but still she felt that she may be denigrated by society if she allowed herself to become “only a housewife!” This was a result of the bigoted treatment women in her family were given if they did not have a tag of being a service woman attached to them. In order to avoid the passive beating that she felt she had been subjected to, she forced herself to fit into this societal norm. I sometimes wonder if she is repeating the cycle and subconsciously making her children the legatees to the same message – that as girls, they are not worthy enough if they do not go out to earn bread.

It is very apparent that we start blaming ourselves very easily, probably because that is what we have seen our elders do, typically our mothers and their mothers and the generations before. In fact, our minds have become so accustomed to such situations that a lot of us may not even feel that we are subjugated to centuries old patriarchy. If the elderly would have spoken up against the unfair actions and reactions, I am sure people like Uma could have gathered the courage to speak their mind without feeling bound by some social stigma. However, contrary to giving support, cases where a woman tries to subdue another, are rife. This starts from our homes, where a new bride suffers at the hands of her in laws. Ironically, when time gives power in her hands to improve the situation as she takes on the mantle of mother in law, she vents out the frustration stored within for all these years, repeating the age long hackneyed acts again. While a mother is supposed to be an epitome of love, a negative image surfaces on the mention of “mother in law”. Come to think of it, the difference is only “in-law”. Is it big enough to have the kind of effect that we generally experience?

Talk about the corporate world, we are globally struggling with the situation that only a miniscule percentage of women reach the top of the ladder. Even if some super girl crosses all the barriers and reaches a position of power, rarely do we see “she” advocating for “her” as strongly as a man backs up another man. The lady in power finds it difficult to ignore or rectify the same stereotypes and hindrances that she worked so hard to overcome, for others who may want to follow her. I wonder how can we expect men to feel for and look over those difficult situations when a woman who actually experienced it cannot! Having said that, the onus to rise up the ladder lies more on oneself than some third party. How and more importantly why, will someone consider helping me if I myself prefer self-pity over self-help? Appraisals are generally happy news, with bonuses and increased salaries. But Akriti was upset the day appraisal letters were distributed as she was deprived of a well-deserved promotion just because she went on maternity leave in the last month of the year. While she should have raised her voice and asked for justice, she preferred pacifying herself with the logic that women are generally given such treatment during pregnancy, so how can she be any different! This attitude is not only true for females but for a lot of us irrespective of gender. It is clearly not only the responsibility of the person in power to give a helping hand but also of others to raise a hand asking for help.

Cases where women are left bereft of support from their own community do not end here. A rape victim is criticized by both genders equally, throwing the concept of “pitiful victim” down the drain. While a widower is supported, prompted to re-marry and start his life again, widows are pushed to enter the black and white world with as much force by women as by men. In fact, something as natural a thing as the menstrual cycle is seen as a curse and a disease and we women, prefer punishing and weighing the sufferer under the burden of unjust and painful customs instead of giving a soothing hand.

How and more importantly why, will someone consider helping me if I myself prefer self-pity over self-help?
How and more importantly why, will someone consider helping me if I myself prefer self-pity over self-help?

The devil lies within each one of us, which convinces us that the best we can do is blame the outside world for the troubles we are facing and continue to suffer without taking any actions. Every time we submit to an unjust act, justifying ourselves with the validity of the same, every time we callously embrace the servile attitude, we actually feed into this monster that draws the curtain on our reasoning a little more. If only we could remove these curtains and see how we are pushing ourselves into the dark hollows of distrust and self-doubt, causing self-inflicted pain! As a given, it becomes the responsibility of those in positions of power, either in the corporate sector or the social circles or even in households, to give a hand in support of the rest. If only her mother in law would tell Radha that her husband is also an equal stakeholder in the household work, if only Uma would not have experienced belittling only because some people felt that managing the house is no work in itself, if only the raped, the widowed and every other victim was comforted rather than being punished because society has decided to be unjust to her, these kinds of reactions which come so naturally to a majority of us would have been curbed. It is time that we react and awaken the rational viewpoints sleeping in us, or else we would only be committing the crime of allowing the devil inside us draw the curtain a little more in the wrong direction.

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Living The Paradox!

A relaxed start to the day with a cup of soothing tea and newspaper in hand, the melodious chirping of birds filling in for the morning radio, fresh breath of air with filtered sunshine softly touching the face- this is how the day started back in my hometown as I was growing up. Not to mention “bagal wale Ramu kaka k yahan ki kachori” we got for breakfast, at times when we were lucky. Following the large swathes of mankind that embody India’s liberalization- I have now adjusted to the exacting life of a metro, where only some lucky weekends manage to take me back to my lazy mornings! Life is on a fast track, so much so that my trips back home feel like a jerky move back to the slow paced black and white films, straight from the action packed ‘Terminator’ series! I remember thinking, “yaha ke to radio me bhi slow gane bajte h!” – an expression which I am sure was not a fact, but a manifestation of my struggle with my own hometown, having gotten used to my new life. Ironically, albeit my permanent address has remained the same since childhood, my current habits seem to have embraced my current address better, such that reverting to the permanent one requires conscious thought.  

Living the paradox – adapting to the ‘new’ that comes along the way, while keeping the ‘original’ intact
Living the paradox – adapting to the ‘new’ that comes along the way, while keeping the ‘original’ intact

It won’t be wrong to say that in the process of having faced and familiarized myself with the brand new world, the small town girl in me took a back seat and a new “avataar” was born, who had refashioned not just her thinking, but her fashion style, her way of living; essentially her entire self, to get acculturated to the megalopolis. “Its okay for you to have boys as friends but you don’t have to hang out with them here, let aside dancing with them. It’s a small place!” said my dad when I insisted on joining the salsa dance classes with a partner (preferably a male for obvious reasons). At that moment I could almost see myself aping the “bahu” from the berated Star hindi drama series where “one head turn in shock” never seems to suffice! It takes three gravity defying turns to express the astonishment! Having spent years in the big city, hanging out with the opposite gender had become so normal, that it actually took me a little while to go back in my memory lane and see that this is the “expected” back home. Hence, once home, the mind needs re-tuning to the ‘slow radio stations’ and this switch becomes automatic after a few visits.

When one starts getting the exposure of multiple geographies, s/he starts realizing that what may be a norm at one place may be a cultural shock at the other. For instance, telling my parents that I will be working late in office or even going out for a late night party did not involve any feeling of guilt as it is a part of the routine for someone working in corporates, especially in a metro city. But once I am home, I always have the strict time curfew of 10:00 pm at the back of my mind and not once have I tried to break it. People staying away from home would relate with me when I say that I might be handling an entire house along with my job all alone, but once I reach home, I just leave everything and enjoy being in the care of my mother, safe in the assumption that things will be taken care of. Not only does my mind relax, it also seems to blend back into its practiced supine position- fitting seamlessly in the puzzle of my ‘old’ home.

These narratives are an allegory of the common human behavior wherein the small town individuals are able to adjust to the majesties of the city and make it a way of life, no matter how inundated or suffocated they feel, but when a high end, big city person happens to land in the small lanes and crowded markets, he finds it hard to stoop down to a basic life, and may even consider it an achievement to have spent a few days “away from the hustle bustle of busy city life, into the wilds”. It’s rather paradoxical that a place with all manner of technological advancements, is actually difficult, while the far off places with even basic amenities being a challenge, are sought as spots to take “breaks” from the hectic life! So while for some, these secluded places may be good enough only for breaks, for those who know nothing beyond these mud boundaries, it is the way of life. 

While the small town almost always bags the title of a happy and relaxing avenue for visitors, as natives, we tend to face the “restricted” way of life in our home towns. This is probably a byproduct of the closed knit societies we live in where anyone’s life is everyone’s business. Sunita should stay away from Ajay because what will people say! Radha should not pursue filmmaking because people don’t think it’s a decent industry for girls. These decisions are taken basis the beliefs of the society largely, while being callous about the fact that this is Sunita, Ajay and Radha’s life we are talking about!  Living the conundrum, I cannot decide which is worse- the overinvested “pados wali auntyji” or the indifferent next door neighbour who lives but 10 ft. away in the high rise apartments. 

However fast or slow the reaction may be, but at the end of it, we as humans are very adaptive to the environment we live in. This could be a change in the milieu after marriage or changing geographies. We switch conveniently from one lifestyle to another. We take over and shine in beautiful suits and sarees as conveniently as relaxing in the hassle free shorts and t-shirts. We choose to ignore ‘sins’ of life if required, as if smoking during office breaks was only a dream. The astute bashful person may resort to a garrulous facade to make place in a new friend circle. We essentially live the paradox. Is it that sometimes we just don’t understand the basic concepts of values and lose ourselves in the facile “chamak dhamak” of the big city? Is it that we change our value systems as we move ahead? Or is it that we expand our understanding and keep integrating with the revelations, cognizant of our existing values. We inadvertently scale the learning curve where the more you learn, the more you realize how little you know. Maybe it is this realization of a universe existing beyond our own, that has helped humans evolve over ages, accepting and adapting to the ‘new’ that comes along the way, while keeping the ‘original’ intact.