Living The Paradox!

A relaxed start to the day with a cup of soothing tea and newspaper in hand, the melodious chirping of birds filling in for the morning radio, fresh breath of air with filtered sunshine softly touching the face- this is how the day started back in my hometown as I was growing up. Not to mention “bagal wale Ramu kaka k yahan ki kachori” we got for breakfast, at times when we were lucky. Following the large swathes of mankind that embody India’s liberalization- I have now adjusted to the exacting life of a metro, where only some lucky weekends manage to take me back to my lazy mornings! Life is on a fast track, so much so that my trips back home feel like a jerky move back to the slow paced black and white films, straight from the action packed ‘Terminator’ series! I remember thinking, “yaha ke to radio me bhi slow gane bajte h!” – an expression which I am sure was not a fact, but a manifestation of my struggle with my own hometown, having gotten used to my new life. Ironically, albeit my permanent address has remained the same since childhood, my current habits seem to have embraced my current address better, such that reverting to the permanent one requires conscious thought.  

It won’t be wrong to say that in the process of having faced and familiarized myself with the brand new world, the small town girl in me took a back seat and a new “avataar” was born, who had refashioned not just her thinking, but her fashion style, her way of living; essentially her entire self, to get acculturated to the megalopolis. “Its okay for you to have boys as friends but you don’t have to hang out with them here, let aside dancing with them. It’s a small place!” said my dad when I insisted on joining the salsa dance classes with a partner (preferably a male for obvious reasons). At that moment I could almost see myself aping the “bahu” from the berated Star hindi drama series where “one head turn in shock” never seems to suffice! It takes three gravity defying turns to express the astonishment! Having spent years in the big city, hanging out with the opposite gender had become so normal, that it actually took me a little while to go back in my memory lane and see that this is the “expected” back home. Hence, once home, the mind needs re-tuning to the ‘slow radio stations’ and this switch becomes automatic after a few visits.

When one starts getting the exposure of multiple geographies, s/he starts realizing that what may be a norm at one place may be a cultural shock at the other. For instance, telling my parents that I will be working late in office or even going out for a late night party did not involve any feeling of guilt as it is a part of the routine for someone working in corporates, especially in a metro city. But once I am home, I always have the strict time curfew of 10:00 pm at the back of my mind and not once have I tried to break it. People staying away from home would relate with me when I say that I might be handling an entire house along with my job all alone, but once I reach home, I just leave everything and enjoy being in the care of my mother, safe in the assumption that things will be taken care of. Not only does my mind relax, it also seems to blend back into its practiced supine position- fitting seamlessly in the puzzle of my ‘old’ home.

These narratives are an allegory of the common human behavior wherein the small town individuals are able to adjust to the majesties of the city and make it a way of life, no matter how inundated or suffocated they feel, but when a high end, big city person happens to land in the small lanes and crowded markets, he finds it hard to stoop down to a basic life, and may even consider it an achievement to have spent a few days “away from the hustle bustle of busy city life, into the wilds”. It’s rather paradoxical that a place with all manner of technological advancements, is actually difficult, while the far off places with even basic amenities being a challenge, are sought as spots to take “breaks” from the hectic life! So while for some, these secluded places may be good enough only for breaks, for those who know nothing beyond these mud boundaries, it is the way of life. 

While the small town almost always bags the title of a happy and relaxing avenue for visitors, as natives, we tend to face the “restricted” way of life in our home towns. This is probably a byproduct of the closed knit societies we live in where anyone’s life is everyone’s business. Sunita should stay away from Ajay because what will people say! Radha should not pursue filmmaking because people don’t think it’s a decent industry for girls. These decisions are taken basis the beliefs of the society largely, while being callous about the fact that this is Sunita, Ajay and Radha’s life we are talking about!  Living the conundrum, I cannot decide which is worse- the overinvested “pados wali auntyji” or the indifferent next door neighbour who lives but 10 ft. away in the high rise apartments. 

However fast or slow the reaction may be, but at the end of it, we as humans are very adaptive to the environment we live in. This could be a change in the milieu after marriage or changing geographies. We switch conveniently from one lifestyle to another. We take over and shine in beautiful suits and sarees as conveniently as relaxing in the hassle free shorts and t-shirts. We choose to ignore ‘sins’ of life if required, as if smoking during office breaks was only a dream. The astute bashful person may resort to a garrulous facade to make place in a new friend circle. We essentially live the paradox. Is it that sometimes we just don’t understand the basic concepts of values and lose ourselves in the facile “chamak dhamak” of the big city? Is it that we change our value systems as we move ahead? Or is it that we expand our understanding and keep integrating with the revelations, cognizant of our existing values. We inadvertently scale the learning curve where the more you learn, the more you realize how little you know. Maybe it is this realization of a universe existing beyond our own, that has helped humans evolve over ages, accepting and adapting to the ‘new’ that comes along the way, while keeping the ‘original’ intact.